"Be yourself..."

"Be yourself. If you are yourself, you can never go wrong." - Floris Blokland

---

If there is one thing I can say about my Opa, it is that he was always himself. Whether due to old age or just due to a strong sense of confidence and assertion, he always said what was on his mind. He never sugar coated anything. This often offended people, understandably so; but, do you know how hard it is to find a voice in the world that we live in?

My Opa was a strong man with a strong presence. He was comfortable with being seen and quite literally, it was hard not to see him as he was over 6 feet tall. He was comfortable expressing his thoughts and his opinions, despite the potential for disagreement. He was comfortable with who he was and the experiences that shaped him.

He loved to push the boundaries and the rules. While attending baking school, the final examination consisted of the students baking a cake and presenting it to a board of 'judges', per say, where they would assess the students baking and display skills, and they would receive a passing or failing grade. The rules were strict; the cake was to be of a certain style using only shades of white, among other rules.

Opa, being Opa, decided not to follow any of their rules. Instead, his cake was perfectly decorated... with bright red. After finishing his cake, he washed up and put on his regular clothes where he then walked around admiring other students' cakes alongside the judges. When he came across a judge analyzing his cake, Opa used this opportunity to explain in great detail why he was impressed by this specific bakers decision to push the limits - true artistry.

I don't know the end of that story, but I am making the assumption that he passed as he made a career of it.

So many of us, myself included, feel inclined to follow rules to fit in and meet expectations, when these rules or expectations don't align with who we genuinely are. Opa perceived rules as challenges. He was so confident and comfortable with his skills, his knowledge, and himself as a whole... that he consistently strived to make decisions that reflected his authentic self.

How would your life change if you did the same? If you made a conscious effort to align your behaviors/choices with your authentic self?

Sometimes it’s easier to do what everyone else is doing. Sometimes it’s easier to push your feelings and thoughts aside and go with the crowd. I hear you. But, by doing so, are you preventing yourself from from living up to your potential? Are you presenting the most genuine version of yourself?

One afternoon during our daily visits, he started to tell me about a visit to a port city while he was in the Merchant Navy. Sometime during this stop, a civilian challenged him. Instead of cowering, lowering his head, or minimizing himself, he decided to firmly look the civilian in the eyes and maintain eye contact.

He continued to show me how he made eye contact (very dramatically, I might add), and stood his ground nonverbally and without physical involvement - to be honest, I laughed hysterically because he was hilarious and could always make me laugh; but the moral of the story is, how often do we avert eye contact when we are challenged? How often do we resort to passiveness instead of standing up for our thoughts, emotions, or behaviors?

When I have moments of self-doubt, because I’m human, I try to reflect on this quote and the stories it brings to my mind of my carefree, authentic, confident, and rebellious grandfather. A man, who much like his drink of choice, was strong and not watered down.

So, be kind. Stand up for what you believe in. Find the people who accept you for you - stay away from those who don’t. And in the words of my Opa, "Be yourself. If you are yourself, you can never go wrong."

** side note: the story of my Opa maintaining eye contact to assert himself makes me laugh and although I love his rebelliousness, I’m not recommending that you go to a foreign country and do the same. Be safe folks.